R'lyeh, South Pacific
Your Eternal Greatness,
Let me first say ‘Salud’ (‘good health’) on your return to your full and awesome powers of destruction. Or perhaps I should say ‘Iä! Iä!’ as it’s my understanding the phrase is pronounced ‘Yah! Yah!’ and not, as I previously thought, ‘Lah! Lah!’ (In hindsight, I should’ve known better as the former sounds appropriately like a celebratory cry while the latter sounds like Teletubby nonsense or a childish taunt.)
Regardless, I just want to assure you of my undying fealty and at the same time, apologize for some of those internet memes I created during your slumber. You’re probably aware of the most popular ones: “I can has soulz now?”; “Cthulhu for President. Why choose the lesser evil?”; “Come at me bro.”; and my personal fave, “Your sanity has a flavor.” None of them were developed with malice in mind; on the contrary, they were intended as minor tributes to your world-ravaging sublimity. Given your incomparable psychic powers, you probably know we humans poke fun at the things we love the most, e.g., celebrities, religion and drunks (because every family has one of those, right? Yog-Sothoth, wink, wink. That’s the only explanation I can think of for Yoggy’s dalliance with the Black Goat of the Woods, Shub-Niggurath.).
Notice that none of your fellow Elder Gods rated enough with me to warrant a meme. Ithaqua? Puh-lease. No better than a minor shade of Wendigo. Hastur? How is it the so-called Unspeakable One has such a mundane moniker? Sounds like an egg roll condiment at the local 7-11. Nyarlathotep? Even Lovecraft couldn’t make up his mind about what he looked like: Dusty ol’ pharaoh? Black-skinned demon? Tentacled, bat-winged creature? You’d need a shrine like a Rubix Cube to worship it. And don’t even get me started on Yibb-Tstll, which I think can only be pronounced correctly if you’re suffering from a teeth-grinding fever.
Besides, as first articulated by Richard Dawkins in The Selfish Gene, the very concept of a meme is based on a Darwinian notion of ideas very much in keeping with the ‘might makes right’ ethos of the Cthulhu Era. My memes helped keep the idea of you around while you caught some Zs and whadya know? You beat out a lot of viral-rivals like Domo-Kun, Grumpy Cat, Pepe the Frog, even Rick Astley (no rickrollin’ for you). I’d like to think I had something to do with that, though it’s possible I was just executing your secret mental commands all along. Either way, when you finish consuming the last of the Asia-Pacific landmasses and start making your way to North America, I hope you keep this humble brag/apology in mind. I wouldn’t deign to ask any favors, but it would be much appreciated if you could see your way to saving me a spot at some uncrowded tropical resort in the Dreamlands.
Everlastingly yours,
Bad Luck Brian